Best & Worst: Sexy Poker
Winner stays on?
Over the next few months I’ll be choosing some of the best and worst poker video games since the advent of consoles took competitive gaming from the fluorescent spotty teen-filled arcades to the sitting rooms of gamers worldwide. There is such a thing as video poker games, which is essentially an online poker game where you can see your opponent in their webcam but for the purposes of this post, I’m considering that online poker and not a computer game. There’s no real order to the list and it won’t be broken down into smaller subcategories like ‘texas holdem poker games’ or ‘omaha games’, this is simply The Best and the Worst.
The first game on our list is Sexy Poker, created by Gameloft and released for mobile platforms in the Fall of 2004. Although it may seem like the title is an ironic one, the game developers at some point must have realized that the game is about as sexy as playing Snake on your phone wearing lingerie; that is to say, not very.
You might find yourself asking “Mike, there are so many poker games and they all have similar names, which one is the one for me?”. Well if you’re looking for a side of sauce with your cards, this might be the one for you, or indeed any of the equally critically-lauded sequels Sexy Poker Manga and Sexy Poker Top Models.
The object of the game is, surprise surprise, to win enough hands to have female players remove articles of clothing, with the end goal being a fully nude model for your troubles. Sexy Poker also has the distinguished accolade of being the first M-rated game on the Nintendo Wii.
Despite negative reviews, with Nintendo Life magazine famously stating the game was ‘a letdown for fans of both poker and sexiness’ it went on to spawn several sequels. Sexy Poker also lacks multiplayer functionality, which you think would be a staple of any competitive game but when the prizes are scantily clad anime girls, maybe it’s better to play alone and save yourself the embarrassment of saying “damn, I’ve already seen this one!
We’ll be back again in a couple of weeks time with the next entry in our Best and the Worst series with Full House Poker. While you’re here, why not check out these related articles: